This post is more un-original content but is as complex as the stealth question seems to be.
From the University of Montana comes the story of a transgender coed who ending up dancing with a male student who reportedly didn't know of her gender identification.
In a classic case of he said-she said the incident ended up in a beating for the coed and a restraining order against the male student. You can read an account of it here from The Missoulian.
My point is how responsible we are as trans women or men to out ourselves? Who knows?
I'm far from attractive enough and far from young enough to say attend a dance by myself or meet a man in a public situation where he doesn't know I'm trans.
If I was, I'm afraid I would attempt it even though I know it's wrong and extremely dangerous. I'm a firm believer in many violence cases against trans humans happen when we surprise the opposite gender (men).
So obviously I don't have the answer except I know my genetic female friends would point out very few of them would put themselves in the situation of the Montana coed to start with. They would want proof of how she was dressed and was she attending the dance by herself?
Then again I know some reasons she would.
What complex lives we live!