Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mom's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all of you reading this!

Every year here in Cyrsti's Condo, the day gives me a chance to pause and collect my thoughts about the most important person in my life. She birthed and raised me of course but I was a "third" try following two still born's.

For right or wrong, she was who she was and genetically there is no doubt the apple didn't fall from the tree with me. in resemblance and personality I favored her and my brother my Dad. At the end of the day, she was a fighter more than a lover. In fact I can't remember her telling me she loved me...but I know in her own way she did.

It has taken me years to figure out her electro shock therapy offer to me.  After my stint in the Army I came home for a short while. One night when I came home from drinking with my friends she was waiting up for me. I don't know how the topic came up but quickly I admitted to her I was a transvestite.  She had to have had suspicions as I was growing up. I wasn't that good at hiding my "secret". So she asked point blank and I answered the same way.  Just as quickly point blank she offered electro shock therapy as a solution. I simply said "look, for the first time in my life I was able to tell a close group of friends and for once I'm not ashamed of who I am-I'm sure as hell not going back."

This was 1975 and she passed in the late 1980's at the age of 76 and the subject was never mentioned again. For years I used her words as motivation as how not to act.

I have to be careful because though we are so much alike. My sarcastic sense of everything and the ability to be dumb enough to express all those thoughts too quickly come to mind. As I have found out recently, my breast development under HRT will be attributed to her genetics and my wonderful head of hair I love comes from her genes too.

Here's the part I have taken so long to understand though. Her simple belief in radical therapy to "fix" me was just as simple as my belief there was nothing wrong. Both of us were as determined as the other. So Mom- thanks a lot!

As the years have gone by, her World War Two/Great Depression mentality shaped her personality. She was a no doubter and a educated high school teacher. If you didn't know where you stood, you weren't paying attention.

So Mom, on this Mother's Day let me put into words what you couldn't...I love you. Now I have to go wipe the tears out of my eyes...damn hormones!


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