Monday, June 24, 2013

Anger and the Trans Girl

No big secret as you turn the gender "corner" anger issues or "anger management" if you will change dramatically.   In fact during my transition, it's a major issue for me.

Right or wrong, I played fairly effectively in the "macho sandbox" and I'm the first to say it cost me dearly-but another subject.

Looking back on the experience, I have labeled the male power structure as power one as opposed to the uber effective feminine passive aggressive. Reasonably early in life a male begins to sort out his place in the power grid. He could be a one, two or three. For simplicity, three's stay put.  Due to strength, intelligence, athletic ability or looks-they probably are stuck there and know it. Nothing wrong with that-not making value judgement.  Two's on the other hand can possess and combination of any of the power attributes I mentioned plus the ambition to challenge the front running number ones.  As with any species, it's a simple survival of the fittest basic.

I played in that number 2 sandbox and I have had a difficult time switching from a more direct confrontational view of stress situations with other humans to a passive aggressive.  Very simply put, no I can't (and never did) punch you in the face.  Instead let me smile ever so sweetly and figure out a way to intellectually punish you.

Both power grids define the genders and to a large degree define why on so many levels males and females have a difficult time understanding the other. Each bring the "tools" they have to work with to the table.  When my two young grandson's are off in the corner going crazy on each other, my 12 year old grand daughter watches and listen's to my daughter say: "they are just being boys, stay out of it". That's all good until a group of her friends come over and the battle lines are drawn again-for so many different reasons.

As humans I guess we have been blessed and cursed to witness this gender dynamic. But witnessing the power grids doesn't mean we can do anything about them. We all have to make our way through life the best we can. As transgender folk though we do have a unique chance to sit the middle fence and have a better understanding of how the gender grids work.

I have to say  my perch on the fence has been hard to maintain.

I guess  De Niro  said it best in Taxi Driver :  "You talkin' to me?"

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A Life in Gender Flux