Friday, June 7, 2013

Much To Do - About Quite A Lot

Quite a week. Last night I attended the second of two hometown Equality meetings.

As I have written here in Cyrsti's Condo, this week I stepped from the shadows of my local stealth. Bottom line is, I have lived stealth in my home town for the last several years as I set out to build a whole new life in nearby larger cities. Nothing earth shattering about that but as my feminine life evolved into HRT and beyond- the more I walked the trans woman path the more I detested remnants of my former life in the shadows.

None of that mattered though as meeting time approached. Again I was suffering my usual amount of trepidation- for two reasons. Number one... I'm relatively certain the number of years I have dealt with the inner turmoil of gender dysphoria has left me scarred to a point I will go to the grave with it. In essence a deep fear of public rejection.  Number two... I have a deep inherent shyness around strangers which I have learned to cover fairly well but I have a tendency to come off as a real bitch. Luckily though I'm also a good actress in the sense the more nervous I become, the bigger my tendency is to chatter. A remnant from too many crummy business meetings over the years.

The good news is, as it turned out all my fear was a waste of energy.  I seriously can't remember a group of people going out of their way to make me feel welcome. As with most of my ventures, I was again the "token trans girl" in the room but it was cool. As I tried to tell them, I wanted and needed to bring a transgender view to the group. To "unsilence" the "T" in LGBT.

They were lucky! Last night, I was fairly quiet as my mind raced to interface my thoughts with their very active agenda-knowing full well I can make some sort of an impact-over a space of time.

So all in all, this week was another wonderful attempt to connect the dots in my life. Plus,  I finally feel better about "walking my talk".  I have to tell you I found the experience to be wonderfully liberating!

Thanks, to the Equality Springfield Ohio folks for helping it happen!

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A Life in Gender Flux