Sunday, June 2, 2013

Reflections on the Water

Aren't words fun?
I was going to start this post off by saying I was on my back deck here in Cyrsti's Condo with a "hot steamy cup o joe" enjoying the view of the snow capped peaks in the distance.  Well, it's difficult to find much of a snow capped peak here in Ohio and during our humid summers we already have plenty of  steaminess to go around!

What I was going to do is catch you up where my life is right now.  I'm going to call this phase a very uncool "the elephant in the room" phase. Examples are as abundant as one of the not so dainty beasts coming through your living room.

Yesterday was my Granddaughter's birthday. I had the interesting choice to come as my real self (who everyone knows about) or my old self. For reasons I will get into, I chose my old self. For the most part I stayed with the old because of my youngest two grandson's (9 and 5).  They had friends at the party and my rule of thumb is to never cause them undue stress because of me.  My daughter, as I have mentioned many times and son in law, have done an amazing job informing grand kids of my transgender status. The other reason was less positive and more just me.

I have a genuine inherited deeply embedded streak in my personality which drives me to "play" with people's sensibilities at times.  Yesterday, among the people who knew I was trans-maybe three or four out of ten had ever seen the real me.  But, the others are seeing the changes of HRT and you can bet I was the subject of more than one or two conversations on the way home.  Something to the effect of my softer smoother skin, hairless arms, ponytail to the middle of my back and pierced ears. I dressed in my own "boy friend" jeans and a t-shirt which gave just the slightest hint of breast development and always stayed in the circles of women at the party.

Sure, I wanted to and could have tossed on some basic makeup to further the process with them.  On the other hand it's fun for me to play with whatever expectations they had or didn't have of seeing me again.  Far be it for me not part of their entertainment. I just thought they should be part of mine.

I guess being the elephant in the room is not so bad except I better step up my diet!

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A Life in Gender Flux