Recently I have a couple of individuals who were kind enough to call me courageous because of how I live my transgender life. Here is a portion of my reply to one of the comments:
"As far as courage goes, I appreciate the kind words but courage goes a little too deep in any description of me. While I appreciate the compliment, to me an act of courage is reserved for people such as first responders and military service members. On the other hand I feel I was simply a member of circumstance."
Then I begin to think the process through and came up with another "C" word - cowardice. Well maybe cowardice is a little too harsh. I didn't turn tail and run but for any number of reasons I was afraid to face the obvious in my life. I was transgender. Then, when I finally came to owning being trans , I had to choose what to do.
Choices of course have their own set of issues. How to proceed with HRT was a huge one! Even bigger though was the choice of owning myself and the fact I have always been this way.
Perhaps you have heard the term "you can't love another until you love yourself". Similiarly I learned until I accepted myself as a transgender woman , others couldn't chose to do the same. It's a process I still face today. On occasion I so do want to run away and hide from the public as I did in my cross dressing years. Then again was I really cross dressing or just learning the ropes of my non birth gender? Doesn't matter, The certainty I know is I have found me and I'm home.
If I was really good here I would come up with some sort of fancy equation such as Courage+Choice+Certainty = Ownership. Then again it's utterly impossible to even consider pushing us all into the little round or square holes we have so desperately tried to climb out of!
Finally, how can I forget (cause I'm old?) two other "C" words...Cyrsti's Condo!
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