Every now and then I take a deep breath and try to look back at the blur of the last couple of years around here in Cyrsti's Condo. It's tough to go back through approximately 2500 posts and select a couple which really stand out.
This post was called "When Fetish Became Style" and may be familiar to many of you with similar early cross dressing experiences:
"Finally I realized my the years of looking at genetic women were different than the other guys around me and was obviously very confusing to me. From the earliest stages, most certainly my interest sexually was more fetish than anything else. But the feelings very quickly moved to a much deeper level.
In my teen years I dated a tall girl who always entranced me with how she slowly crossed her legs in my car. I wondered at the time why I wasn't more into her from a male sexual view point. Instead, I wanted to have those long hose covered legs teasing someone like she teased me.
I know now she had a couple other factors in play other than just "teasing" me. Fashion in those days was the mini skirt so she was trying to sit in the car as modestly as the skirt would allow. Add in those long legs and the problem of snagging her hose on something and the process was not so easy for a person who was essentially a farm girl. Not to mention budgetary issues from buying new hose everyday!
As the years progressed panty hose became just a fashion accessory to me and movement became more important. Example? I'm still working on the smooth all in one motion a woman uses when she slides into a seat and crosses her legs in one motion. Now, as most things do, fashion has gone full cycle and in the summer months, if a woman is wearing any kind of hose at all, my first reaction is she is a cross dresser or very old.
Quickly, the more I became involved in putting together a consistent style for myself, the more I looked for it in other women. I was helped along by the way I had viewed women in my entire life. An example is how I vividly remember watching how my Mom put on her lipstick when I was very young. I just happened to outwardly be her son not her daughter.
Also, the process began to carry with it an understanding of how both genders look at women. Men for obvious reasons and women just as obvious too. As with most things in life though, a woman's view of other women is much more complex and the old saying that "women dress for each other" is definitely true.
Now I feel going through that style process has led me to a greater understanding of my feelings of so many years ago.
I simply was in a struggle to discover my own style in a feminine sense. Going deeper though, the whole process could have been one of the demarcation points between me identifying as a cross dresser or a transgender person?"
Good question, and one anymore I don't spend very much time thinking about. Now I know "I yam who I yam" and that has to be good enough. But who the hell thought of this way to get here???