Sunday, October 20, 2013

"Outta" Sync?

"Outta sync"
Over the years I have read theories on human sexuality which basically places all of us on a scale. As an example, one would be a 100% hetero person and 10 would be a 100% gay person.  The fun bunch exists somewhere between two and eight.

Less prevalent are the theories on human gender scales. Again, lets say a one would be a person who knows he or she is a he or she and 10 is the opposite. I would suggest the middle ground in this group is just being researched and living in the gender middle ground is no picnic in the park.

In my life, I'm finally beginning to understand what happens to me when I move about in the gender middle ground.  I call it "syncing up" and right now I'm just a little out of sync.  The worst part of being out of sync is I can't tell you exactly what threw off my equilibrium so to speak.  It's sort of like viewing the world without my glasses, everything is just a little out of focus.

Times such as this in my life, I think gender fluid fits me as well as transgender if you want to slap a label on all of this. Then again aren't they really the same term? Or better yet, who cares? Transgender, transsexual, gender fluid, cross dresser? Blah blah blah.

The only reason I do, is the sync makes me grumpy.  At times I think the spot I'm in right now is close to nirvana and at other times I get real impatient of whats going on and what should be next. Certainly HRT will continue to reshape and feminize my body but the bigger changes have slowed.

Could be the time of year tossing me out of sync too.  The fall season is a time of change and I used to feel deeper about the process because of the deep desire I had to for changing myself. Now I'm chasing shadows because I am changing.

The good part of sync is it normally doesn't take me a long time to refocus. I know for certain I don't fit in with the gender "ones or tens".  Every once in a while the middle ground gets a little foggy and it takes me a little longer to get my bearings and sync up.

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