Wednesday, October 30, 2013

What Does Transgender Mean to You?

Many times we miss the forest for the trees as we go on a trip of gender self discovery. Plus, if you are "more mature" like I am, it was literally years before a term such as transgender became well known at all.

Today though, the term transgender has become a "catch all term" for gender fluid women and men all the way to transsexuals. In a rare moment of clarity, I stopped my world and thought, was does transgender mean to me and am I correct in applying it to myself.

Very simply, my own personal definition is transgender means exactly what it implies, "neither male or female but somewhere in between." I'm in transit between the genders something like this - when I'm not forced to crawl around and fix plumbing in my house, I yearn for a pair of fuzzy slippers to keep my feet warm. Similar to any other genetic male or female, I'm doing what I have to do to keep this place and my body together.

I fielded a question today from a person from another site who sought me out for advice, of which I'm always flattered. Very quickly as a point of reference, the conversation turned into a discussion of percentage. How much did I live as a woman versus how much she did and how did HRT effect the whole process. We actually were exact opposites. My "time as girl" was very high and hers was very low.

I consider "chats" such as these are a good way to reassess who I am. At the same time I have a chance to give a person who is thinking about seeing a therapist as the first step towards HRT, a little insight into the process. I continue to feel the true tragedy within the transgender community are people who never really learn their true spot in the gender world, until it's too late. Indeed, the landscape is dotted with those who went under the SRS knife only to learn the ultimate cut just wasn't the right one for them or the older folks who will forever wonder if they should have tried.

So, I know the transgender term is a comfy place for me to hang out because no matter how the outside world is viewing me, I know what my head is thinking.

Recently too, I have several visitors here in the Condo and other places ask how I knew I was trans and not a cross dresser or transsexual.  The answer was quite simple as I look back on it. I never felt whole just putting on women's clothes but once I did begin to feel whole, I knew SRS wouldn't make my situation any better. As I said, my head tells me I'm a trans woman, not what the configuration is between my legs.

I'm fond of saying I don't have any therapy shingles to hang up anywhere and the best advice I never got was the most important one: You really have no idea of how the other gender lives until you have the chance to peek in and live it and the process better go deeper than just prancing around in a mall. (Did that too!) Just a guess but before you label yourself, it would be a tremendous idea to learn what the label is all about.

Oh by the way, no charge for this session!

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A Life in Gender Flux