Tuesday, October 8, 2013

You Are Glowing!

Haven't written about one of my pet gender "theories" for a while here in Cyrsti's Condo.

For decades I have felt "appearance" wasn't the only defining prerequisite in presenting yourself as a woman in public. Of equal importance to presenting was simply being yourself.  If indeed you have an inner girl and you let her out of your physical closet amazing things can happen.

I say "if" because I feel having or not having an inner girl is the dividing line between being a cross dresser or a transgender or transsexual person. My strict easy definition says a cross dresser wants to look like a woman, the trans girls want to be one. Before you take me to task though, I know there are shades of gray (which hopefully is not one of my colors.)

Years ago I also started to feel my inner transgender self went very deep and I was subconsciously presenting a feminine aura other people were sensing.  I was completely in shock at the number of times I was presenting at work as a macho male and someone would unknowingly called me mam.

As I began to "sync up" my interior and exterior selves over the years, it's been easy to understand why women again have a huge lead over men in this social skill. As I navigate the world as a trans woman, I have had to become more adept at judging other people's aura- for personal security and any number of other reasons. I don't attach a color to people but I do believe my experiences as a transgender woman gives me a real potential to be more adept than either of the binary genders in understanding aura.

Early example of aura.
As it goes now, more than a few folks believe they are extra sensitive to auras and can read them and I'm not referring to psychics. One of my interactions not so long ago reinforced my ideas.

I was at one of my favorite places (of course I was) and one of the other patrons came in off the patio with her boyfriend for a refill and began to read the "aura's" around the bar.  I don't know what significance are attached to colors but she immediately said there were tons of "browns and greens" around the bar-until she got to me and stopped.

She really stopped and said my colors were quite different and she was having a difficult time sorting them out and we had to really talk sometime.  I just laughed and said she wasn't the first who had said something similar like that to me but I never gave her any further information about me.  It all happened so quick and she never mis gendered me, so I just stored the experience away in my "this gender thing is more than skin deep department".

I have not seen her since and who knows what colors she was reading but the experience was definitely something else to think about from my view on the "gender fence". Maybe someday, I will get my "colors done" and not at a cosmetics counter!

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A Life in Gender Flux