Friday, November 15, 2013

The Cult of Hysteria

Every once in a while or I read about someone who has started HRT and wonders if the female hormones running through the body will dramatically affect all parts of their life.  When they come home now will it be time to fix dinner, clean the house and pretty much settle in to making someone a good wife.

Of course you may take on that role but I'm fairly sure there is no scientific evidence low "T" and high "E" are causing transgender women everywhere scurrying for their aprons and cookbooks.

On the other hand, I'm beginning to think that my hormonal changes are becoming deeper than the obvious physical changes, hot flashes and the ability to cry.

When I started HRT, I was determined to let nature run it's course and not allow various stereotypes to cloud my judgement.  I was tired of reading too many stories from people I thought were trying too hard to be a girl.  Right or wrong, more than a couple of the common themes didn't sit right with me, like HRT causing an immediate love of everything feminine all the way to the image of "pristine" women's rooms when I kept sitting in other women's pee as I sat down on the toilet.  But you know, that is just me and who really cares what I think?

Since I do hold the power of the written word around here though and are truthfully not as bitchy as I seem sometimes, here is what I do think.

First, if you were predetermined to be the housewife type before HRT, you certainly will be afterwards.  The more our inner woman is allowed to grow, the more amazing is the process.  If you take me for example, I never minded doing the cooking but I am a self professed terrible house keeper.  No amount of HRT is ever going to change that.

A fair amount of HRT is changing my emotional makeup though.  I found I really have no control now of my tears.  I can cry because I'm sad or melancholy or even happy and found tears were only the beginning of changes.  Imagine my shock when all of the sudden I wanted Humphrey Bogart or Clark Gable to look into my eyes and sweep me away in a classic movie scene. Where did that come from?

My newest "revelation" is I'm more "high strung" than I have ever been in my life.  Call it what you want but now I deal with more paranoia and emotional hang ups than ever before in my life. Yes, I call it hysteria.  I always felt women carried their fair share of it and yes, I now have my own and it's not the most pleasant side of transition I have experienced.

All in all though, I know this is what I signed up for and every blind corner I face comes with it's own set of new challenges. Some good, some not so good. I'm easy though (not cheap), don't make me a hysterical housekeeper and give me a shot at Humphrey Bogart in a classic movie- I'll be fine!

 

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A Life in Gender Flux