Friday, December 13, 2013

Esteem versus Vanity

On occasion I think (no, I know)  I spend too much time thinking of my transition process.  I suppose when you attempt something as major as changing your gender, introspection is a natural by product.
Those of you who are regulars around here in Cyrsti's Condo know I'm currently in the middle of a total full time immersion as a woman.  My nearest male clothes are over 150 miles away.

I have written recently about upping my game of trying to look better-naturally.  As I was doing my errands today and checked my appearance when I got back, it occurred to me I was checking my self esteem in the mirror not my vanity.  Certainly, I would love to be a stunningly attractive beauty when I head out into the world, not stun others with my appearance. We all know the beauty part is going to have to wait until another life but not being a human "stun gun" isn't.

Taking this idea to a whole deeper level, I realized I was crossing yet another cross dresser / transgender point in my life.  Being the often "clue less" person I am, I dazzle myself with these little epiphanies of mine. Then again, I entertain easily. This is what I came up with:

As a cross dresser, I lived in the mirror. As a transgender woman, I live in the world, the only real mirror that matters. Now,  in order to survive, I desperately need my self esteem as a woman.  The vanity part of me will always exist and screams for facial feminizing surgery and breast augmentation. But, more importantly, I'm finding esteem is the key to my existence.

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