Sunday, December 1, 2013

Lessons in the Sandbox

I'm fond of referring to transition as "playing in the girl's sandbox." The process is the time of your life when appearing as a woman takes a back seat to living as one.  All sorts of sand is being kicked in your direction and it is hard to keep up!

I've written here in Cyrsti's Condo many times of my "sandbox experiences" which by the way are far from over. Ironically, as I do transition, I look back and remember experiences which were more important than I gave them credit for initially.

Here's an example:  Years ago, my second wife accompanied me to a Tri-Ess meeting before we were actually married.  We drove quite a distance but still arrived plenty early before the nightly meeting/mixer. Instead of hanging out in our hotel room, we decided to get out and explore a little bit as two girls. We found that not too far away was a sort of a neighborhood tavern that advertised a mixed crowd and even drag shows on occasion. We sought it out and went in for a drink.

Not long after we sat down, a guy literally rolled up to the door on his Harley motorcycle and sat down a couple seats down from my future wife and began to flirt with her. My first thought was a feeling of being powerless in the situation, I had no control as a man or a woman.. I had the sinking suspicion she was going to prove to me I was a mirror "Princess" and knew nothing about being a real woman.. I was right.

Before long she was returning the flirt ever so slightly and the first time he looked past her to me I could see the change in her eyes. I ceased to be her guy in a dress and became a feminine competitor for the attention of this guy and stay the hell out of it. Believe me, I was in way over my head and she could have rode off with him - I was powerless anyhow but in no uncertain terms I knew what she meant. Then almost as fast, she snapped back and he took off,  leaving me with a rather scary first experience with feminine competition in the sandbox.

The problem became, I was way too early into my transition to understand what had just happened.  I never experienced a similar situation with her again.

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A Life in Gender Flux