Monday, January 6, 2014

"Hurry up! - and Wait!"

Those of you Cyrsti's Condo readers who may have had previous military experience, may recognize the title of this post. On more occasions I can count, we hurried to be at an assigned point in the Army at an appointed time, only to wait and wait and wait.  In many ways, my HRT journey has been the same.

In the beginning, changes begin quickly and I began to wonder if the process was happening too easily.  Perhaps my body was predetermined to make this step all along.  Reality soon set in though.  Changes did slow for a couple reasons, due to obtaining my dosages and medications.

Now I'm getting mixed signals.  If you recall my posts before the end of the year, I very much thought I had "hit the wall" with my bodily changes.  Of course my hair was still rocking but I felt as if my breasts and hips were not keeping up their end of the bargain.  All of the sudden I was feeling frustrated.  I waited so long to begin HRT, hurried into the initial changes and now I'm waiting again.

The problem is, I have never been a patient person.  Nothing is good enough over the long term, including my feminization progress.  It's also extremely hard to judge daily changes in myself, the first thing I do in the morning is not measure my breasts.  I need to just forget about the process and let it happen.

Some would argue there is more than a little change in one's emotional make up during HRT.  I don't doubt I do feel more emotional about everything, including staying positive about many things.  Why aren't my breasts bigger or my hips more feminine, etc.

This past couple of days though, I think I may have been over reacting.  All of the sudden, I'm noticing a little more "bounce to the breast" and jiggle to the hips. Now, I'm fairly sure I was totally over reacting. I know going through HRT at (64) with my body style can only achieve so much.

It's time to calm down, hurry up and wait for more!

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A Life in Gender Flux