Thursday, April 24, 2014

Taking It All for Granted?

I read a post this morning from the Paula's Place blog which I visit regularly.  Here's an excerpt which caught my eye and heart.  She has being doing an alphabet blogging challenge which explains her reference to the "R post."

My life is at a point of flux and I am uncertain which way it is going to go. A few days ago under my R post I said I was Ready, well I am but I am also uncertain, and just a little frightened. I am aware that this is a one way journey, and that I am getting close to a point of no return, and I need to consider how this will affect other people as well as me. 

 Many of my friends are telling me that I should only consider myself, but I believe I need to consider my daughter in all my actions, how will what I choose impact on her life. She is stridently inclusive in her outlook, but these things can often be different when they are personal, when it is your own father. I am also uncertain about my wife, my Church, and my customers. At some point I will need to make these decisions but not just yet.

Of course I was in Paula's shoes for literally decades.  Now, I try never to take my situation for granted because as I have said a zillion times here in Cyrsti's Condo, the path to my transition was made easier by several very sad events in my life.  Here's an example:  Through Frock Magazine, I recently learned of a film company which was searching for participants to work with them on a transgender documentary.  Being the curious critter that I am, I contacted them to learn what they were looking for.  It turned out they were looking for transgender persons who were in the process of actively coming out to others-which pretty much left me out.  I told her my story of almost everyone of substance in my life fooling around and dying on me in a two year period. (Except my parents who passed years ago.) With a clean slate, I just started over and formed a circle of friends who never knew the old me to start with and came out to my only child, a very accepting daughter. It was clear, I didn't really fit what she was looking for.

So while I can understand Paula's dilemma's, as the days pass, I have to be careful I don't lose my empathy for her and so many like her.  Not having a job to worry about transitioning in, a wife who passed years ago who never accepted me being more than a cross dresser and an accepting religion-I'm certainly in the right place for the sad reasons.

At the end of each day and at the beginning of each new day, I must make sure I never take any of my life for granted and Paula, follow your soul girl friend!

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A Life in Gender Flux