Step by step as I go through my MtF transition, little thoughts get into my noggin and stay there for a bit.
As I get closer to my first mammogram Friday, I have given quite a bit of thought to my small growing "girls", and how they do give me an instant sense of who I have become. For the first time in my life I have some sort of gender inner "peace" when I wake up.
I think the closet genetic women around me think I'm going a bit overboard with the mammogram procedure, but then again none of them (fortunately) had to live through a maternal grandmother dying from breast cancer and a Mom who was constantly paranoiac about it. If I can help it, I don't want to have come this far and suffer the complete irony of breast cancer.
So grudgingly this week, my partner Liz and the others have told me a mammogram is not a walk in the park and they know I'm a total sissy when it comes to pain.
This time, they don't get it. I'm not doing this as some right of passage I can write about here in Cyrsti's Condo or some stupid ego blitz like the trans nazi's love so much. (Haha! I've had a mammogram and you haven't!)
As far as pain goes, I'm not a fan. Getting my ears pierced was a brief shot of pain and even thinking of a tatoo puts me in pain.
That's OK though, my friends don't have to understand and that's all good. Most certainly I haven't understood all that has happened to me. Somehow though I know the mammogram is the right thing to do and maybe that's my Mom talking to me as the daughter she thought she never had.
Maybe I do get it?