Tuesday, June 17, 2014

It's All Fun Until You Have to Stop?

In a companion post I just wrote here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning a second mammogram and her friend- an ultra sound, I wrote I wasn't going to jump off any bridges yet.

To start with, locally, there aren't many bridges I could jump off of which would do anything other than break my leg.  I would have to drive an hour or so down around Cincinnati to find a bridge to cause significant damage if  I jumped and I would be pretty much out of the idea by then.  Not to mention I am extremely afraid of heights.

To be truthful, my paranoia comes from an imagined possibility the doctors saying I would have to go off HRT.  The possibility is a very high bridge to jump off of and one I don't want to even consider.

For the first time in my life, I'm beginning to wake up in the morning enjoying the feminization of my body and yes I'm selfish-I don't want to go back.

Bless all the genetic women in the world who go through this - and worse.  Hysterectomies come to mind.  I can understand them feeling they are losing much of the physical basis which equals female in their mind. But, their minds, bodies and experiences were molded to a large part by their hormones and won't start growing big bones and angular features. Since I already have to work around 60+ years of maleness I was born with, any assistance I could find from HRT was welcomed!

Then again, ( as I have written), there is the mental aspect.  I feel hormone replacement therapy after a certain point of time does cause the mind to develop extra feminine worry, even to the point of hysteria.  It's become an involuntary reaction for me these days.

I think too that "Momma Karma" is whispering to me, "you wanted to go down this path-now here you are." As my wife said years ago as I was admiring myself in the mirror, "Come on Princess, it's time to go. You can't have your cake an eat it too." Yet another version of the theme, you really don't know what it is to be a woman.  Perhaps her (she has been deceased for nearly eight years now) and Momma are enjoying a cup of coffee right now discussing all of this. Or, I'm just flattering myself.

Either way, I should be able to tell more early next week and look for a bridge if I need it.


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