Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Give A Guy a Break?

Not so long ago we found ourselves here in Cyrsti's Condo discussing why a man would date and love a transgender woman- specifically a pre opt one.

I'm the first to always admit the male "admirers" in our culture for the most part saddled with an immediate negative stereotype.  I feel bad after the fact when I do it because I am the last person who should be stereotyping anyone.

To carry the conversation a bit farther, I just received this comment from Michellewhois:

I know that the guys that I dated as well as lived with were so gentle and affectionate. The only reason I didn't stay with them was back then to be marked as gay was a career death sentence. Only one guy that I lived with for several years left because he wanted children that I couldn't give him.

Michelle's comment carried me back to basically one of the few admitted gay men who was trying to transition as transgender I had ever corresponded with. At the time, she was getting hammered terribly from her job and former "friends".  Michelle didn't clarify if the gay death sentence was for her at work or them but either way, thanks for bringing up a whole different look at ideas we don't often read around here in the Condo.

For whatever reason, my dating experience with men has been very limited but I too have seen a glimmer of the type of man you speak of Michelle. When and if a relationship does develop between a trans woman and a man, it does have the potential of a powerful connecting of the minds as well as the bodies because we do have the potential to bring so much to the relationship table.

My most recent example came at my favorite "watering hole" when a 50 something guy ended up setting beside me (there weren't any other seats I could see. He was stuck!)  Finally, he got brave enough to talk to me about what beer I was drinking, and we ended up spending the next hour talking music, food and of course a bit of sports.

There was no doubt in my mind, he knew there was something "different" about me, but after awhile, none of that seemed to matter. 

None of this male interaction changes my commitment to my female partner but it is interesting that when I was going out into the world years ago as a cross dresser, I always was approached by women. Now it's changing to men. For sure, life is rarely boring.

Michelle, you didn't say, but I hope your life is coming around!


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A Life in Gender Flux