Monday, August 18, 2014

It's a Brave New World

As comments with me sometimes do, on occasion they "gang up on me."

Last week the process happened last week with Liz (my partner) and Missy ( deceased wife's sister.)  Liz was sort of expected but I was blind sighted by Missy's.

First of all she is very toasted from years of substance abuse (she is approx 55.)  We were talking the other day since I was given the job of "life coach" with her from Momma Karma and she came up with this question: "How did I function (seemingly) as well as I did with all the 'wanting to be a girl' stuff swirling in my head."  When she comes up with a classic question which is relevant to me and my transgender transition-I'm stunned.  This was one of those questions.

My answer was one we have chatted about here in Cyrsti's Condo, what would have any of us have done if we would have had the freedom to fully explore our gender dysphoria before we went on to have wife's, kids and the rest.  I think I did well enough but I told her (as well as anyone who will listen) I would not wish the ripping and tearing of my heart and soul on my worst enemy.  I have no idea of course what I could have been able to achieve and  in reality now, none of it matters.

Very simply now though, my advice to anyone with gender dysphoria is to explore it as young as you can.  There is only one certainty, it is not going away.

Then there was Liz.  She commented the other night how amazed she was of how "sensitive" I was to the world around me.  I just don't think she understands (I have told her) how much she matters in the process. Her support, along with a couple others, has allowed me to see the world as I always should have.  I have always enjoyed my share of different art forms, music and nature.  Along the way, I was curious about and studied (lightly) many different religions.  These days I have been freed of the gender constraints of my past. In fact my transgender status frees me of both the binary genders...but...

In the true essence of the giving, loving and understanding genetic woman we all aspire to, Karma has blessed me with three of them.  Ironically, they don't have much of a grasp of what they have done and I haven't been able to get my point across yet-except they feel the changes in me.

What path would I have taken if I had an open door?  Big question! We will try to bring out our Cyrsti's Condo "cyrstal ball"  in a future post!

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A Life in Gender Flux