Thursday, August 14, 2014

It's An "Itty Bitty" World

As I always do, in the morning I jump over to Femulate and get my Stana fix. Yesterday morning her lead post at first got my attention and then "riveted" me.

Over the years I think Stana has revisited the question of any of us having any reason to believe we had friends who possibly went on to be cross dressers,  transgender women or transgender men.  Then, Stana went on to write about her childhood friend Billy who went on to hint heavily about his affection for girl things. Follow this link to read the entire experience.

What got to me was that I too had a friend named Bill for a short time before he moved away , we were somewhere in the 14 year old category and lived in a very rural area.  During the summer before he moved we did "boy" things like "borrowing" his older brothers old Ford and driving it around the farm, plus we "tried" a couple of his Mom's cigarettes.  I can't tell you why, but cigarettes ended up not being all we "borrowed" from his Mom...on several occasions-we got into her makeup and clothes too.

I often wondered what would have happened if he had not moved three states away because his Mom didn't seem to mind we were playing in her clothes.  As in Stana's case, of course I too had tons of conflicting emotions.  On one hand I was learning to drive and smoke at 14 (never did continue to smoke thank the Goddess) but on the other, had another friend to share my shaky exploration of femininity.

I wouldn't see Bill again for at least 25 years and only for an hour then, so I have no idea of how much time he went on to spend as a girl.

Who knows, maybe I wasn't so alone after all -just another confused kid afraid to push it farther.  After Bill left, I fell into a group of kids who weren't in their Mom's makeup.Very simply, by doing so, I sold my feelings out to live a long lie and not get bullied in the process.

I also know, until I read Stana's experience, I had forgotten mine had occurred at all.

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A Life in Gender Flux