Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Just Another Halloween?

Truly, I'm not sure if there is ever just another Halloween for most of us.  In my case, the day was the beginnings of a chance to journey out of the closet and begin to learn my true gender identity.  She was screaming at me, but I wouldn't listen.

My first Halloween adventure was when (after the Army) I settled back in for several years in my home town (here in Ohio) came when a group of friends and I went to an event called a "Spook Out" (as I recall) in the late 1970's.  It was a time when certain cities were busy restoring their ornate old downtown theatres. Including Columbus, Ohio which was presenting the silent original movie version of the "Phantom of the Opera" complete with the newly restored theatre organ.

Of course, the evening was custom made for an aspiring cross dresser to get out of the closet and explore the world.  I  managed to have a wonderful time.

I say "managed" because I felt a lot of unneeded pressure to enjoy every second, feel the process and secretly wondering if I could blend and pass. 

For the evening, I came up with a "costume" which not surprisingly, was more slut than originality.  My skirt was short, heels high and hair was long.  The result was a relatively uncomfortable evening in clothes I really hadn't spent enough time wearing to understand what I was "walking into" literally-my heels killed me.  My imagined enjoyment of walking down the street in my panty hose, short skirt and freshly shaved legs did thrill for awhile-until the chill set in.

Back in those days though, I could still pay the price for fashion.  Thirty plus years of working on my feet in high volume restaurants hadn't caught up with me yet and the shaved legs/hose was still electric.

Can't say the evening was "magical" but up to that time in my life, it most certainly was fun and  a quality learning experience. Plus, I don't believe I have ever seen so many, imaginative costumes in one place ever.

Sadly, for whatever reasons, the restored theatres around me at least have not done similar events for years.  These days though, so many more venues have opened for younger transgender women heading out to explore the world.

Back in those days though, it was a time of limits and deep dark closets for me and the evening was custom made.

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A Life in Gender Flux