Perhaps you remember the experience I passed along from the huge lesbian dance my partner Liz and I went to recently. The evening provided me with one of the rare moments when someone sought went out of her way to gender slur me. L:iz learned about the dance from a semi regional lesbian group around Cincinnati who has many events. One of which is being part of a woman's interest writer's group. The group is meeting next weekend and Liz wanted to know if I wanted to go.
I went to the site and before I could even check the event out further, I couldn't until I was accepted as a member of this lesbian group. At that moment, I figured that wasn't happening...especially I believed gender slur bitch was one of the "lead dogs." As I normally do, I thought what the hell and applied anyway. My answer came back quickly REJECTED! I went through the usual emotions of being hurt - then mad-then calmed down and noticed how I could contact them-and I did.
I simply said, my application was based upon my lesbian partner's preference and my only real "need" was to be with her. I couldn't care less what the rest of the group thought about me but it was wrong for whomever it was to seek me out and trash me. I wasn't "crashing the party" I paid my 15$ and was there with my lesbian partner who wanted me there. My final question was, I guess I would not be "allowed" or welcome to accompany her to future events.
Another answer came almost immediately from a person who threw the "group leader" under the bus and said it wasn't up to her to reject me (the lead dog did) but most certainly I would be welcome in the future.
Finally, Liz was going to pull her membership immediately, which I said don't do it. I will explain- and this morning, mysteriously , I began to get the groups emails.
Certainly, I don't have a huge ego stake in this deal but I do have a stake with a trans woman being rejected and gender slurred in a group. It's their little club and who ever they want to keep out is their business but just don't hide behind some cheap gender slurs or passive aggressive BS. So I told Liz, any event she sees and wants to go to, contact the group and see if I am "allowed" to come. Sooner more than later, one of us will get a dialogue.
In reality, this whole deal reflects on Liz more than me. Why is she (Liz) being discriminated against because of her transgender partner and how hypocritical is that?
As I said, none of this was totally unexpected to me. I figured I was venturing into a tough part of the girls's sandbox. The whole deal begs the question-which group gay men or lesbian women are capable of hurting us the most?
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