Saturday, January 17, 2015

Hitting the Transitional Wall

Some say "You transition a little every day."  That's true, of course in everything. With or without HRT, my 65 year old body is radically different-in a radically different world.

In December here in Cyrsti's Condo, I wrote about the emotional turmoil I went through - right into what I call "hitting the walls." Plural, because it's all too complex to just call the process one wall. I'm fortunate enough to be with Liz- a person who in four plus years has been able to navigate the maze which has always been my noggin better than I can. As I wrote before, yesterday I asked the therapist if she and Liz had talked before I got there.

Although it's still a day to day process-my "passing privilege"  is more and more half full than half empty.  Of course with me, that presents another problem?  After my therapist was almost peeing down her leg telling me how presentable I looked yesterday - I said thanks of course-but....looking ahead at the final public transitional goal of just going stealth, where does that leave me?  If all of the sudden, I am not a trans person in the world-just one of everyone else? And that matters how?

About that time, I'm sure even though she couldn't say it, the therapist was thinking WTH? Isn't that the point? After discussion, the best I could come up with her and Liz is, all the years of being paranoiac about appearance being the only goal of going out-the vestiges are still with me. I have not transitioned past all of that yet.

Perhaps, I never will- I will let you know.




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