Monday, June 29, 2015

The Un- Kindest Cut of All?

"Back in the day" when I was cross dressing and beginning to explore the feminine world, I constantly thought would I - could I ever "go full time."  Obviously (for any number of reasons) I took my time almost to the point of suicide. 

During that period of time a couple things stood out in my mind. One of which was a "documentary" of sorts about a person who was shown picking out a wardrobe ahead of her trip to Thailand for her SRS.  Afterwards, the story skipped ahead to a welcome home party of sorts to her home town. I thought at the time, wasn't that all a bit too easy? What did walking around in her new "little black dress" at the party have to do with her reestablishing a new life?

Then, there was the guy who went through sex reassignment surgery, lived as a woman for a few years and wanted no part of it. I remember thinking Wow - shouldn't a person be sure? Would I ever be? What if I went the distance and could never go back.

Well, I have never "gone the distance" as far as SRS was concerned and at the age of 66, I wonder about the health concerns of doing so. As it turned out, I learned the hard way what was between my ears defined me. Not what is between my legs.

I'm no expert but, over the years people have asked me what questions (and answers) which brought me to where I am today.  My best advice is very simple. There are two ways NOT to find out if you can OR if you want to live as a trans woman. No matter how much time anybody says you should live a feminine life, that does not mean walking the mall day after day or hanging out in gay venues. It means doing decidedly unfeminine things (which women have to do) like going to an auto parts store-etc. 

Plus, recently, Connie and I have have been discussing another level of acceptance in the world-as yourself as a transgender woman. In nearly polar opposites in the country we both became members of "Meet Up" Groups. In doing so, we have discovered total strangers like us for our feminine selves. Not a small deal of course. 

So, of course, if one rushes into this gender change thing at any age, it's tough. It just could be tougher the older you get and the extra baggage (not under my eyes!) which comes with age. I can only say, as I transitioned, I knew without a shadow of a doubt I was doing the right thing. I can also understand why many would call me all too timid also!!!

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