Saturday, July 18, 2015

Down the Rabbit Hole?

It's been fairly obvious to most of you visitors to Cyrsti's Condo during my life I have spent some time rummaging around in the "crawzy wabbit" hole.

Most assume automatically it's been because I am transgender and have been on this epic journey seeking my "genderality." Of course much of that is true but there is so much more.

The Goddess has blessed me with a daughter, three grand kids and yet another cis woman who loves me  All of which I have never been sure I deserved. Still, there is so much more I have never ever been able to reach out and understand.

One hundred twenty five years ago when I was serving out the rest of my Army time in Germany, a couple friends and I began to explore meditation lessons. I actually became so involved I actually scared myself off. To this day though, I still use what I learned to clam myself down and de-stress.

That's all good, but yesterday at Liz and I's "Meetup" group,one of the women in the group presented an idea for a group of us to attend a group of "self awareness" sessions. I was wary until she said you could go down your own rabbit hole to the point of coming out the other side. If we had the courage or need to.

We talked later about the sessions and I expressed some of my reservations about the sessions. She assumed I was referring to being transgender. Of course I wasn't. But then I began to think , it's a good idea.

You see, "back in the day" I was deeply trying to deny my gender dysphoria and maybe somehow my fears were tied in with what I was inevitable. Now of course, I am way past all of that. 

So maybe I can release more of my demons-at the least . Never let the "wabbit's" hear you scream, at least- in our own hole. 

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A Life in Gender Flux