Monday, April 18, 2016

First in a Series?

The more I work on Book #2 and see some of the ideas which I didn't use when I wrote  "Stiletto's on Thin Ice" I have come to the realization they couldn't because they hadn't happened yet.

While I love a crystal ball as well as the next girl, life just doesn't work for me that way. This time though I began to think of a series of ideas I could use here in Cyrsti's Condo and the new book (title undecided). 

First of all a disclaimer...This worked for me, barely, and is only my take on a very difficult journey. Also, my age is a factor too. There was no internet or super social media for most of my 67 years.

So, my first stage was as a cross dresser or transvestite. I did my best to sneak around and hide my habit from the world, while at the same time doing my best to accumulate a small collection of girl's clothing and makeup etc. 

I separate my crossdressing stage from a different level of awareness when I began to feel just looking at myself in the mirror wasn't enough. There had to be more. Increasing a little voice was growing in my head telling me "There just had to be." 

I also equate this time of my life with leaving a fetish stage of my life. Perhaps you read many cross dressers/transvestites who seem to cling to a specific article of women's clothing. (Like hose for an example.) I am not saying it is right or wrong, to each their own, but I just didn't. I wanted to look the best I could, but increasingly being a woman was overcoming looking like one in my mind. Sure shaved legs and panty hose felt great for a while until the world awaited to see you as a total person.

Looking back, this part of my life was equally scary, exciting and confusing, all in one huge hot mess. Unfortunately, the "hot mess" was to continue for nearly fifty years before I had enough courage to look inside my soul for real answers.

In the meantime, stage two for me was taking tentative looks out side the closet to see what the world was, or could be like for me.

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