Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Are You Trans Enough to be Woman Enough?

This post is designed to be a twist (not twisted I hope) on the theme of transgender women berating each other about not being "trans" enough.

First of all, for most of us, just getting to the point of achieving a feminine external presence to survive society seems at times to be a close to impossible task. Then, when we get there, the realization we were just getting started down our journey could be a shocker. Hadn't we spent years and years studying cis women? How hard could it be?  Playing one on one in the "girl's sandbox" can be tough and there has been more than one time when I have been content to sit back and play my "trans" card as two cis women battled it out. I suppose on those occasions I was "trans enough."

Being a quote - unquote "woman" is tough enough. I have always said being a man or a woman is a socialized term and not one you are anointed with from birth. So you have to be transgender enough to even feel like you want to go through the whole feminine socialization process. In fact, the socialization process is tougher between trans women than a cis- trans casual meeting.

Of course cis women are trained from early life to "throw shadows" since they don't operate on the same power bases as men. (Is that throwing shade?) An example would be when they compliment you on how nice your dress looks, when in fact they are thinking it looks good on a man wearing it.

So, how does someone crack the "trans" barrier and be able to play in the girls sandbox as an equal partner? If I knew the complete answer, I would be a rich person. But, from my experience, being trans enough has taught me to be careful of what I think I am seeing from other cis women. I have had a knife stuck in my back too many times not to.

If that was my only criteria to being woman enough, I would have achieved my goal.

The only other advice I can give from my humble viewpoint is, be careful not to come off like a bitch and stay mentally nimble. Somehow you need to give off the impression you are doing more than just throwing on a dress once in a while and going out in the world.

You may need it to be trans enough, to be woman enough!

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A Life in Gender Flux