Friday, April 21, 2017

Transitioning 401

I am an out and proud trans woman and I spend time on occasion trying to figure out a logical reasoning system to get to how I got here. This time I decided to place it in an educational format and I am placing myself now at a 401 senior level course in my Mtf transition and working backwards. Sometimes I think I have reached levels high enough to be considered in a Masters Degree program and then again I am not.

It is tough to list all the other levels/courses I think I have been through, but one of the easier ways to see a few is to go back to some of my earliest posts here in Cyrsti's Condo. If you read them, you will see I spent what I feel now was an inordinate amount of time on what went into my cross dressing experience. Rather than the experience itself. Which leads me to the mirror phase.  

I know when I went through the mirror phase, when I couldn't get enough of my image and looked for a mirror no matter where I was. I flat out wore mirrors out! It took awhile to pass the course but when I did finally grow out of that phase, I moved into my 301 level approval courses.

During the approval period of my education, I found many people (women) wold be quick to compliment my appearance. What I didn't factor in was the unspoken "I looked good-for a man in a dress," Once I had it figured out, I wondered how long I wanted to be just a "man in a dress" and went into my transgender phase and set out to live my life as often as I could as a trans woman. I found quickly, there was a huge difference between looking good as a cross dressed man and a transgender woman seeking a level playing field in the world.

As far as time went, my trans phase lasted the least of the other levels but was by far (as you can guess) the most intense. It seemed that every waking moment of my life not tied in with work had to do with the exploration of the world as a trans woman. Or, if I made the move to transition, could I?

Part of my transgender level courses included labs. Or, the time I actually spent on going to the doctors and starting on hormone replacement therapy. I really wanted to push along my MtF gender transition.  It was about this time I made the Dean's List and completely began to feel comfortable in my new life   and decided to take it a step further, by updating  my gender markers and changing my name. Or as I call it, Transgender 401. (Living full time)

The next level if I ever decided to take it would be SRS surgery and I  would consider it a gender transition  Master's or even a Doctorate. As compelling as the "final step" may be, it's just something I don't think I need at this point of my life.

So, there you go, my own attempt to compress 50 plus years of transitioning into an educational format. I am sure some of you will have much more to add from your journey.

2 comments:

  1. Of course, you would call this "THE Transgender University."

    Yes, the double-edged sword of the compliment! It's funny that I never changed my appearance - the way I presented myself physically - when I decided that I, without a doubt, was not just cross dressing. Something happens on the inside that projects who I am, even if I'm read by others. I always felt the compliments to be rather condescending before, and although it's nice to hear them, they can leave one with the feeling of being "less than." I hated that feeling! It's possible to change hearts and minds without uttering one word when your own heart and mind shines through!

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  2. Your "heart and mind" can carry the whole image :)
    I will have another "religious" experience as the Symposium is being held at THE Ohio State University Student Union! :)

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A Life in Gender Flux