It still amazes me how many "civilians" think being transgender or LGBT at all is a personal choice.
When I look back at over a half a century fighting a part of me that refused to go away, I have always said I wish I had never been born with this gender dysphoria. Life would have been so much easier. Even though I struggled mightily to do it, I was always fairly successful at being a guy. I played sports, dated regularly. did my time in the Army and fathered a child.
None of it did me any good, I could never shake the feeling deep inside that something was really wrong. In fact (as I have written many times) I am a survivor of one very active and many very passive suicide attempts.
Through it all, I also had the deep feeling I was destined to live on until I solved the problem.
When I did, it was like a huge weight was taken from my shoulders. No longer did I have to think of myself as a transvestite or cross dresser. I was a transgender woman and had been one forever.
Of course, once I arrived at that point, I had to convince the world too. Life became at once exciting and scary. No longer could I conveniently stash my feminine belongings away and re-enter the male world. I was going on HRT and there would be no turning back, even though I told myself I could.
All of a sudden, my life as a trans woman became more natural and I knew I had made the right decision.
Now I am blessed with a partner and friends who accept me for who I am. I just want to let the others know I never had a choice...I had to be this way.
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