|One of the new bags given to me recently!|
Let's go "across the pond" first, to Paula in the UK...She commented on our "End of Cross Dressing" post:
Basically the post commented on the blurred lines between "hetero sexual" cross dressers and "straight men".
I now identify primarily as a hetro trans woman, but working out what that means is complicated. Testosterone still flows and the bloke will still "look" at the the girls, but the woman checks out the guys, of course we get confused. I say I am hetro because I have no wish to make love with woman as a woman, or a man as a man. Sometimes I question myself as to whether it is my sexuality that drives my trans,or the other way round, other times I just have a glass of wine.
Thanks Paula! A great answer to a complex personal issue! Seemingly we face too many "chicken or the egg" discussions as cross dressers, transgender women and men on our journey of self discovery!
Paula also commented in the same vein on the "Trans Dar versus Trans Nazi" post:
It slowly dawned on me that to most Gay people I am asexual, the girls know I am a bloke so are simply not interested, and the blokes now that I am a girl and so they aren't interested either, interestingly this makes an excellent basis for really good friendships.
Surely Paula, we do make interesting friends because of how we see the world and the shift of sexual tension in the human critter. My "take" on it is- the more feminized I become, gay guys have less interest in me than they never had anyway. AS, they are so fond of saying anyway, "If they wanted a woman, they would have had one by now." The women know I'm not genetic but I live in their world and they are for the most part intrigued. The more the HRT changes me though, the less that is true to the casual observer.
As far as lesbians go, I found that after I got used to how "gruff" many were, I thrived with some, strongly identify with and thoroughly enjoy their unique culture.
The "blokes" of course are the challenge. To many, I'm simply invisible, to others I carry some sort of plaque they may catch and die. The very few who take the time to know me do respond to my take on the world. It's no secret, I do like an intelligent, traveled, mildly opinionated man and I respond intellectually to them. Sadly as I am arriving at a point, that at the least I can interact with a man as a trans woman, I have not yet been able to do much. But I understand why.
It's a crazy world we live in, but not necessarily a bad one unless we make it that way! One of the biggest mistakes I made was "back in the day" when I began to come out was hiding in my shell-once I hit the world.